Dads and Doulas... 

While the benefits of a doula to a single mom without labor support is obvious, many question whether a woman needs extra help if her baby's father is present.  There is no questioning that the baby's father brings a familiarity and closeness that a doula cannot duplicate, but many men have never seen a birth before, and seeing their partners go through such a demanding experience is often very difficult.  In addition, a doula brings with her many skills that the baby's father may have been introduced to, but may not recall in the "heat of labor".  Often a doula's intuition will tell her that time in the shower is needed, or a walk down the hall will help mom to refocus, or even that rest is needed.  It is not realistic to expect mom's partner to remember, or even know, what to do should a labor be longer, or more difficult, than expected, especially if he himself is tired and concerned.

In addition, it is important to remember that just as birth changes a woman from a wife or girlfriend, daughter, neighbor and friend into a mother, labor changes a man into a father.  There is much emotion that accompanies that transition, and sometimes fathers find it hard to provide support when they need support themselves.

Personally, I see my role as not only a doula to the mom-to-be, but also to the dad-to-be.  I can offer him rest when needed, and always make sure that I follow his lead.  If he wants to be totally involved with the experience, then I guide him to help.  If he is more of a hand-holder, then I assume the role of primary support. Often during labor, primary support shifts between me and the dad-to-be, and I take my cue from him.