© 2010, Carol Peterson, ICCE, CD(DONA) Erie, PA
Birth Journeys
Carol Peterson, ICCE, HCHI, CD(DONA)
Instilling Confidence in Birth Since 2004
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Ways to Commemorate the Baby
June 2009 Newsletter, written by Carol Peterson, ICCE, CD(DONA)
I remember listening to NPR many years ago, as a man shared his experience with his stillborn child. As soon as the baby was born, he asked that the child be taken away. He never saw him. Years later, he regretted his decision. He wondered what the baby looked like, and why he didn't live. While some families choose this path, usually a lifetime of questions leads to regret.
While it may be difficult for families to be afraid to hold the child, if given time, most parents will make the decision to hold their baby, and in the end are glad they did. There are many things that can be done right after birth to help the family collect memories. These include obtaining footprints, gathering a lock of hair, making hand molds, and taking photos.
It is also possible for the family to bathe the baby, and have her dressed in a special outfit, which can later be saved. The family should save blankets, hats, and any clothing the baby wore, even if it was for a short time.
A funeral or memorial service is a way for everyone to gather around the family. There are many funeral homes that will donate services. At the funeral or memorial service, ask guests to share their thoughts through writing. Make available a memory book or paper and pens.
Perhaps the best way to commemorate the baby is to remember to send a note or card to the family on the date of the baby's due date, and again on the baby's birth date, yearly. Often this day passes without anyone acknowledging to the family that the child is remembered.
Perhaps by reading this you will a comfort to a family when no one else knows what to do or say. However, also respect the decisions of the family should they differ from yours., especially if there are cultural or religious guidelines that must be followed.